happiness and fears

Sharing my Happiness and Fears!!!

Listening to the Britney mix-down I made today for hayfest!!!!!

How is it that music can affect you so much? Today in my voice lesson I was practicing a song for NATS called So Anyway from Next to Normal and on the last verse I found myself in tears. She sings the line, "I loved you once and though, you love me still I know, it's time for me to fly, I love you once and though, I love you still I know, it's time for me to go and so goodbye." At that point I really connected the the character in a way that is deeper than empathy I became her and took on her emotion. It was an awesome crazy feeling that every actor wants to experience. I am so excited to compete this year and take a piece that really touches my heart and hopefully the judges.
Why do I care so much about what other people do or think? The actions of others do nothing but bug me sometimes. There are days like today were I just only want to be around a certain circle of people. Or, why do I let one person ruin my day? Just hearing or not hearing from someone can take my day and turn it into a complete mess. I am a planner and I hate not sticking to my plan. Like when I get sick, it without a doubt ceases to amaze me that I can always be sick at the most inconvenient time. Like last night at 3am when I woke up screaming in stomach pain and shaking. I have no idea why or what caused this but it was crazy. And since I had just watched the ring of course I was convinced that I was surly dying. Then when I finally made it to bed at 6am and woke up for my class a t 7 my sugar was low and I was still feeling really sick :( I hate how this is always the case.

Sorry for everyone who got there hopes up about my wedding planning training session today because it is not actually today it is next Thursday apparently I have an issue reading the calender. So, info to come next week lol but tonight I did go to scaremare which was successfully scary and apparently I knew over half the people even though in those masks I don't know who all of them are. They kept whispering my name creepy right? But compared to the ring it was nothing. What it was, was a group of amazing friends just hanging out and I loved that. Tonight I got to see people I see everyday and people I have not seen in a while. All in all today was eventful!!!!! Also for those who read this whole thing ask me about the amazing pick up line I came up with...it can't be posted lol

TOP 5 THINGS I AM SCARED OF

#1 Birds(especially peacocks, so much so it scared me to find a photo) #2 Being alone-(just for a little while or forever it's a scary thing) #3 loosing my voice(little mermaid style, if I could not sing I would die) #4 Samara (this face scares me so much I can't even look at it I keep scanning past it quickly)

#5 Small dark places(I don't like being cornered or locked in anywhere)

Feeling

Currently listening to Adele

Emotions. Were do they come from? How do you force yourself to feel something that you just don't of have never experienced? That is what I want to talk about today. In Meisner's text he says an awesome quote that goes something along the lines of "all piano players will play the same notes but they will all play them different." In my basic acting 2 class we are studying the technical teachings of Meisner. And he suggested that as actors we use other circumstances that are similar to relate to how we are feeling at that time. So using your dog being put down to begin to understand and explore what it would feel like for your child to die. This idea has always seemed completely crazy and foreign to those outside of the theater world and was to me too. But today in class we did an exercise from a man who does not believe in that technique. At first it was very odd we were told by our teach to just walk around the room normal and we did that for a good 2 minutes then he told us to stop and pick an emotion. After picking that emotion we were instructed to again walk around the room and this time try to feel it. Well, trying to feel something is really hard when no action is leading you into the emotion. Then he stopped us one last time he said thank about were that emotion comes from when you feel it were in your body does it start: does it make you red in the face, or make it hard to breath, or make your stomach turn in circles. My emotion had been embarrassed I singled out my throat and cheeks in my mind and thought about that warm feeling that starts in your throat and travels up through your cheeks and into your whole body when you are nervous. Then he told us to walk around again thinking about this I did and as I was walking really began to feel embarrassed, it felt like a breakthrough point for me. The teacher said not to try to impress him because we were not going to, that helped me in this lesson and made me understand what he meant. Trying to feel something makes you force yourself to act sad or act happy but if you know were that emotion comes from you can actually feel sad or feel happy.

Life is so much like theater, very often I feel we are putting on face and trying to impress but just like my professor said today, "don't try and impress me, because you won't" we as people need to understand that we don't need to try and impress people because, you won't impress them. If someone truly does not like you acting super nice around them is not going to change that or lying to there face is not going to make the situation better. This is the life lesson I learned today on feelings you can't stop them, you can create them, you can't force them, and they should always come from somewhere. Who knew I could learn so much in one class!!!!

one mans trash is another mans treasure hunt????

One Man's Trash is Another Mans Treasure Hunt?

currently listening to The last 5 years!!!!!

So first off I want to start off with the story of loosing my ring. I have this ring that I wear everyday and this morning I go to get it off the counter only to find it is not there. Well I thought no big deal right, because I loose it all the time. Throughout the day I looked for it and thought were in the word could it be when I got home that night I realized conveniently located near were I last saw it was are trash can and I had already looked every were else. So, I attempted to contain my horrible gag reflex put on some rubber gloves and yes went through the gross trash in our kitchen. Well my dig paid off because right as I was beginning to feel to nauseous to continue there was my ring sparkling inside half of an egg shell. Needless to say I was very relieve and after a long disinfecting my ring is now back were it belongs safe and sound on my finger.
SO I absolutely hate the day after fall break. It is like your school gives you a touch of freedom and fun only to rip it away in laughter Monday morning when you have to wake up for your 8:50. I think that getting up before 9:3o should be a sin. One good thing that came out of today is that I realized I am an over booker. I constantly make plans and shove them all into my day. I came to the conclusion that this is because I am a people pleaser. I have always been my whole life but being a people pleaser is not always a good thing. From giving my doll to the girl on the playground to giving a friend a shirt of mine they like it has always been an issue. Sometimes I find myself not studying to hang with friends or spending money I don't have on people just to make them happy. According to my parents this has been a problem my whole life but it is something I just realized today. Being a nice person does not mean being a pushover so I want to work on making others happy at the same time as making smart decisions with my time so that I can be happy too. So I want to promise myself to spend more time on homework and me things like painting my nails or reading my bible.
I have really been in a weird spot with God recently and found myself in the car last week broken down with a friend. I was having trouble trusting God and making time for him but heard him say to me Ciera why are you angry with me what have I done to you. I was given a heart of conviction and realized that God did nothing to me and would never forsake me so why had I forsaken him. He gave me a verse in a quit time that really just calmed my fears. I feel like God is going to work in my life this semester and I am more than excited to see what is ahead. I am so glad God has brought friends into my life that I know I can lean on and trust with this and I hope all of you out in blog world can understand as well. I just want to get back to the walk I had in high school but being consistent and having quit time is harder than you think.

Things I will do for me this week!!!!

Paint My Toes
Read a MagazineSave MoneyWear my over the knee boots as often as I wantRead my Bible
Hang out with FriendsDress uplisten to all the music I want and sing as loud as I want
go downtown skype my best friendgo to bed early

mmmm it's Sunday

MMMMM it's Sunday

Currently listening to Jack Johnson

So before I ramble on to all of you about my day I need to let you know about an awesome new hair care product I have fell in love with, Suave professionals Shea butter. The commercials claim to have a product as good as Aveda well so far I agree. The conditioner works better than any conditioner I have ever used. It gets your hair silky smooth without making it greasy and for 2.25 a bottle your hair and wallet will both be happy campers.
So today has been an awesome day so far. At around 11 I started cooking what could possibly be the best meal I have ever prepared. Cooking is like music and downtown it makes me happy and calms me down. I melted butter into a pan then added fresh chopped garlic and mushrooms then I let it cook down with a white wine while I made stewed tomatoes. I added those into the mix, boiled chicken, and pasta then added all of it together with some Parmesan, cream, and butter. There could probably be nothing worse for you or better tasting. For about 3 days now I have been dying to make some homemade Bruschetta, and today I got to do so thanks to my roommate making a grocery run on her way home from work. All I have to say is my stomach is still full, it was AWESOME!!! I was so excited by my maser chef moment that I took pictures to share with you all. Now I am watching the other Boleyn girl putting off for as long as possible the massive amount of dishes I have created from this master piece. On another note Last night I started my Christmas amazon wish list. As I get older I realize my list gets smaller but items get more expensive. I can easily separate this list into things I want and could possibly receive and things I want and could never get in a million years.


NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS



COULD POSSIBLY RECEIVE

these are a few of my favorite things

Listening to cold play SPARKS and by the end of this Bo Burnham

So Roanoke was most definitely a successful trip. I am back now sitting on my couch watching wedding crashers and doing research on Britney Spears for Halloween :) My friends and I are being the phases of Britney for Halloween and I being the freak made a power point time line of her life's ups and downs. Wish you all could see it it's epic!!!! Today I had a revelation I LOVE DOWNTOWN. Dowtown Asheville, dowtown Roanoke, downtown Lynchburg, down town Columbus, actually just downtown anywhere. I love the old brick buildings, coffee shops, hippies, and boutiques. Today Ashley and I went exploring in Roanoke instead of going strait to the mall, which was one of the best decisions of the day apart from our hello kitty purchases. While downtown we went to a farmers market and just walked around looking at old building, taking pictures, and going to little shops. This is happiness for me just walking around in a place were no one knows you, being able to be free and artsy. Speaking of free it is an awesome thing to do when you have no money because guess what? there is not to much to buy in downtown boutiques that I can afford lol such as the upholstery umbrella that we found and fell in love with at the most adorable shop ever!!! So whenever I have a bad day I will go to my bit of happiness ,Downtown, because no matter were I go in life or what happens there will always be downtown!!! Which leads me to my top 10 things inspired by my friends Ashleys blog!!!!


10 favorite things

#1 Downtown

From what I just wrote I am sure you can only guess that this would be on my top 10 Downtown anywhere but specifically Asheville I love the indie, eclectic, and artsy feel when I am in the city!!

#2 Tie Dye

Tie dye makes my life it is my favorite thing to wear and my favorite to decorate in. What is more exciting and joyful that a massive splash of color!!

#3 Over the Knee Boots

Ever since I saw the Devil Wears Prada when it came out I have been on the hunt of over the knee boots. Well luckily for this shopaholic this season they are in and affordable!!! I found these amazing sued over the knees at Kohls and more exciting they were on sale and I had the ever so amazing Kohls Cash. They are my favorite shoe and I would wear them everyday if I did not get weird looks.

#4 The Beatles

I love every kind of music but there is nothing that I enjoy more in this world musically than a good Beatles song. This picture is of the epic Beatles artwork that I have in my room!!!! Play me some Yellow Submarine or Penny Lane and my heart is content!!!

#5 Home made salted cinnamon vanilla hot cocoa

I love to cook everything but one thing that I am loving this fall so far is salted cinnamon vanilla hot cocoa. I have a full proof stove top recipe that takes me a total of 3 minutes to make and then enjoy mmmmmmmm

#6 Hey, it's ok


Recently I have really been enjoying a good GLAMOUR magazine and I have to say the most awesome thing in them is the Hey, it's OK page. It's nice to read things like hey it's ok to really enjoy crying at the movies, as in, sobbing or Hey it's ok to to pretend to text message to get out of talking with that hyper-chatty person standing next to you. It’s called communi-faking, and we all do it. So in my mind Hey it's OK is ok with me. It's so ok that it's ok to frame and hang every one of them in my room!!! lol

#7 Moroccan oil


I splurged on this product at the begining of the summer and there has not been a day that I have regretted that purchase. Moroccan oil has done wonders to my hair. It provides you with moisture and shine but without that normal greasy shine or oily look.

#8 Musical Theater

So any of you who know me were expecting this one to come up eventually. I know this is super vauge but I LOVE MUSIC THEATER I love to listen to it, perform it, watch it, and just be around it. It is ,no pun intended on sound of music, definitely one of my favorite things!!!!

#9 Friends and Family

Where would anyone be in life without their friends and family they have done more for me than anyone else in this world. My grandparents inspire me to be a better person, my friends uplift me in times of trouble, and my parents encourage me to succeed.

#10 the feeling you get around your crush

Well number 10 was the hardest one to think of but there is no better/more uncomfortable feeling than being around your crush. Flirting, sitting near them in class, talking or texting them. Although with most of our luck lets face it they are usually taken, to close of a friend, or just not interested. I think every girl in the world can agree there is nothing better than having a crush to fill your time that is why as girls we are always crushing on some guy until we meet our prince charming :)


So these are my 10 favorite things I hope you enjoy and are inspired to share yours!!

For Me and Music

currently listening to awake my soul



So I have decide I most definitely have been failing in the world of blog writing. I started this blog about a year ago because a friend had encouraged me but I did not really want to do it. Well, last night while watching Julie and Julia, which I am sure has happened to more than one of us, I was inspired to start up my blog again. Not for my friends but for myself I need this for myself. I realized that just like in Julie and Julia I had lost a bit of myself and possibly the only way to find it was to write to the world in this blog. So I will be sharing with you world my hopes, dreams, frustrations, and of course fun times.



Right now I am listening to my easy and relaxed play list, I live my life through music. I often wonder what would I have done with my life without the awesome amazing gift of music and...... I HAVE NO CLUE. Everything in my life is related to music one way or another. I am a musical theater major, vocal minor, and in marching band. And if you know anything about my major and minor that is pretty much all I have time for. The only aspect of my life that does not involve music is my job and when I think about my time at Kohls I realized that I am the only employee in the store that can harmonize to every horrible song they play in there. Here is the problem with music encompassing my life when it starts to fad I do too. This is my last season in colorguard. Every practice I go to and realize it's almost over I can't help but tear up. For 9 years I have been spinning flag and weapon, it is a huge part of my life. I meet all my friends including the best friend anyone could ever ask for at guard and learned all of my important life skills. Marching band pulled me out of a depression, got me my first kiss, took me to far away places, and built in me a passion for life. A very wise instructor once told me that if guard is your passion it can never leave you but, as I cry and type this I wonder. What will life be like when my Saturdays are free??? Will I be happy???? When I went into theater I knew I was going to have to sacrifice things but guard was something I never imagined being "that thing" for some reason. Now that it is I spin every show like it's my last because this season one of them actually will be. Band can't work with my theater schedule or allow me to participate in any shows then I guess it is time for me to let it go, not that I have a choice, and let a little piece of the music in my life fade out

Sorry for the super sad, deep, and thoughtful something happy is sure to be posted later. I am going to Roanoke on a super fun shopping trip with my friend Ashley on which I will not spend any money. This should be interesting we will see how my shopaholic tendencies play out :)